Unicorn at Tower of London? It’s raven mad

Ravens could be replaced by unicorns as the Tower of London’s best-known creatures. Mysterious remains have been dug up during maintenance work under the White Tower.

Discovery: Chief yeoman warder John Keohane (Picture: Ally Carmichael)

Chief yeoman warder John Keohane believes they could date to a royal menagerie at the Tower between 1235 and 1835 but officials say they might be from prehistoric times.

Experts are puzzled by what looks to be a single, thin horn and, although they are not foolish enough to suggest the remains belong to a unicorn, they hope the fragments could solve the mystery of the mythical beast.

Mr Keohane said: ‘It’s proving to be an amazing discovery. You have to remember, we’ve had animals here for many many years. We’ve had lions, tigers, elephants, monkeys and of course we’ve got the ravens, who’ve been here for well over 900 years.

‘This could turn out to be something quite spectacular, who knows?’

Please note: For those of you thinking this all sounds highly unlikely - you were right to be suspicious… it was an April Fools’ joke. Sorry!

In every joke, there is a bit of truth.
This April Fool’s joke is no exception.
Save the unicorns from the Tower of London!

On this day, March 28, in 1979, Philadelphia police discovered the corpse of Holly Maddux in the home of hippie guru Ira Einhorn, later dubbed the Unicorn Killer.

Einhorn called himself Unicorn because his name means One Horn, and he hung out with rich benefactors and 1960s radicals like Jerry Rubin and Abbie Hoffman. After his arrest, he hired future U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter as his defense attorney and insisted he was framed by the CIA because of his knowledge of mind control experiments.

He could not explain why his ex-girlfriend’s body was in his closet 18 months after her disappearance, but vowed in court to unmask the “real killer.” But before his trial began, he fled to Europe.

In 2001, Einhorn was extradited to the United States and sentenced to life in prison.

Scott McCabe

.

Oh Mr. Einhorn, beware the wrath of those whose name you have tarnished, because unicorns can use their magic in all kinds of ways.
All kinds.

.

.

We never realized how much the Great Wall of China was missing a unicorn. Or how fantastic the woods look when dyed purple.

So keep on prancing ‘round the world, crimped-haired unicorn, showing us all the magic you possess!

.

.

The Serenading Unicorn, a close friend to Juicy Fruit chewing gum, has reemerged on the scene with a gangsta-unicorn tribute to the “Dangerous Minds” theme.

So why would a unicorn tackle such a prolific rap anthem?

As a tribute to Coolio, who has single-handedly sponsored three years of summer camps for underprivileged unicorn youth, earning him the affectionate nickname Uncle UniCoolio.

.

Bizarre Endangered Species Act Case: Narwhal Tusks in Santa Fe

What’s the punishment for keeping seven narwhal tusks in your home?

By Andrew Stiny, Guest Writer, 3-22-11

	A narwhal tusk on display in a museum. Photo by Flickr user torrez.

They are the unicorns of the deep Arctic ocean, with an unusual spiral, ivory tusk whose use is unknown.

And a Santa Fe woman has pleaded guilty to violating the federal Endangered Species Act (ESA) by illegally possessing seven tusks of the unique creature, the narwhal.

Under a plea agreement announced Monday, Margaret-Ann Dion, 58, pleaded guilty in federal court in Albuquerque to a single misdemeanor count of violating the ESA, according to a news release from U.S. Attorney Kenneth Gonzales.

Dion, who has had a residence in Santa Fe from 1981 through 2010, was sentenced in U.S. District Court to one year of unsupervised probation and under the agreement she will forfeit the tusks. Dion is a citizen of Canada and Australia.

The indictment states “that, on June 22, 2010, Dion knowingly possessed seven tusks of narwhal whales that had been illegally traded and imported in violation of the ESA and the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species (CITES),” states the news release.

“The ESA, CITES and other regulations require that all wildlife, including marine animals, be declared to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service at the port of first arrival in the United States and that all importers file a declaration of importation at or before the time of importation.”

Dion purchased the whale tusks in Canada in the late 1980s and then illegally possessed them at her Santa Fe home, according to the U.S. Attorney.

Narwals are legally hunted by Inuit natives in Canada. Their hollow tusks are actually a single tooth that can grow up to 10 feet long.

The male whale can weigh up to 1.8 tons with the females being smaller and their live expectancy can be up to 50 years, according to the Enchanted Learning website.

“Long ago, narwhal sightings reinforced (or started) the unicorn legends,” said the website. Although the tusk function is unknown it is thought it could be “a jousting weapon in courtship” or used to obtain food, according to the web site.

The Dion case was investigated by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and prosecuted by assistant United States Attorney George C. Kraehe.

.

Sure, we’re upset that this individual was breaking the law, and that she had seven narwhal tusks in her possession which likely came to her in ways that were horrifically painful to the seven narwhals who once possessed them.

But here is our real issue:
Why wasn’t she trying to pass them off as unicorn horns?

Seriously, that would have sounded a lot more impressive than “narwhal tusks”.

.